


The Hardest Part is Letting Go of Your Dreams

by SunflowerSpideyy



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [6]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, Sleep Deprivation, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29243886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunflowerSpideyy/pseuds/SunflowerSpideyy
Summary: After five years of life in retirement, Tony's nightmares had almost faded into nonexistence- a product of life at the lake house, his family close by with nothing to threaten their safety.When Peter gets brought back, Tony's nightmares return with a vengeance.Febuwhump Day 6: Insomnia
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139171
Comments: 9
Kudos: 88





	The Hardest Part is Letting Go of Your Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy today's story! :)
> 
> Content Warning/ CW // For: Nightmares, panic attacks, mentions of blood, broken bones, stabbing, and character death (only in a dream though) 
> 
> As always, please leave a comment if I missed anything you'd like me to mention at the start!

The nightmares had almost gone away. Of course, it had taken nearly five years- three of which he would wake up gasping, still feeling Peter's ashes between his fingers. But by Morgan's fifth birthday, he was finally able to roll over and kiss his wife good morning, no longer needing to take refuge in the garage and tinker until the sun came up.

You would think with Peter finally alive and breathing again, the nightmares would be a distant memory.

_ Somehow they got ten times worse. _

That split second, staring down the face of the man who'd haunted his mind for almost a decade, and nearly losing- again- opened up the floodgate in his mind once more.

But a part of him knew that his nightmares had faded because there was no longer a threat. Thanos had won. The stones were destroyed. Tony had retired. 

And after five years of married bliss at the cabin, where the biggest catastrophe was Gerald getting into the vegetable garden again- he had almost forgotten the constant fear of his family being in danger.

_ With Peter back- now he had something to lose again. _

******

_ Tony had a split second to look up at the sky before shots were raining down, explosions rocking the ground beneath him, sending dirt swirling in the air. _

_ "Boss, you got incoming," Friday said, and Tony dived to the left, taking cover under a piece of rock just as one of the pale blue beams made a crater in the ground where he was standing. _

_ "Fri- Spider-baby com channel," he said, heart in his throat. _

_ The explosions around Peter were so loud they were getting picked up by the radio, and Tony could just make out the teenager's harsh breathing. _

_ "Peter- take cover, get yourself safe-" he yelled, only for a bloodcurdling scream to pierce his ears. "Peter! Peter!" Tony shot up, nearly running out into the sea of explosions when heaving breaths reached his ears. _

_ "'m ok Mr. Stark, 'm ok- promise," Peter said weakly, though it did nothing to quell the terror that was squeezing at Tony's heart. "Don' worry about me- focus on Thanos," _

_ Tony looked up to see Carol swooping down, the once imposing ship falling into pieces in her wake. _

_ "I gotta get back to the main com channel ok Roo? Promise me you'll stay safe," he said, scrambling out from under the rock. _

_ "'Mm'kay Mr. Stark," _

_ Tony didn't have time to notice the fact that Peter's voice was slightly slurred- time seeming to slow down as Thanos grabbed the edge of the gauntlet. _

_ He launched forward, the nanobytes forming a laser over his shoulder- knocking Thanos slightly off balance with the force of the blast. It was enough to give Carol the upper hand, landing a hard punch to his jaw before yanking the gauntlet from his grasp. Tony watched in awe as she shoved her hand inside, barely seeming to react at all before bringing her fingers together to snap- the resulting force knocking him off his feet. _

_ The battlefield slowly fell into silence as Thanos' army evaporated on the breeze, and it was only then that he realized he could still hear weak, rattling breaths.  _

_ He never left Peter's com channel. _

_ "Peter- baby, can you hear me?" _

_ A wet cough was all he got in reply. _

_ "Peter!" He yelled as he scrambled to his feet, brushing past Carol who was looming over Thanos- completely unharmed. "Peter- where are you?" The nanobytes retracted and he stared out into unknown faces. "Spider-Man! Has anyone seen Spider-Man?" He shouted at the crowd, stumbling forward, his eyes sweeping around the battlefield. "Peter- I need you to stay awake, ok baby? I'm gonna find you just keep those eyes open for me," he begged as cries for Spider-Man spread out among the crowd. "I promised your baby sister I was finally gonna bring her brother home so just hang on Peter- please," _

_ "Tony! Tony- over here," It's almost ironic, after everything, that it's Bucky's voice that rings out through the silence, and Tony whips around towards the sound. _

_ The devastation shining in Bucky's eyes says more than words ever could and Tony realizes- _

_ He couldn't hear Peter breathing. _

_ "No, no no no," he begged, the crowd parting as he staggered forward. _

_ Peter was lying at the edge of the crater, the blood seeping down from his scalp so thick that Tony could see it from yards away, the sight of the teenager's left leg lying at an unnatural angle nearly turning his stomach. _

_ "No- no, Peter please," he fell to his knees at Peter's side, a sob shaking his shoulders. "Friday- scan vitals," _

_ "I'm sorry boss," was all she said, and Tony shook his head frantically. _

_ "No- no he can't be- there has to be something," he pleaded, "Strange! I need a portal- I need-" his voice gave way to sobs, his forehead falling to lay on Peter's unmoving chest.  _

******

"Honey?" Pepper could barely even hear the creak of the garage door over the music that blasted through the opening. "Tony!" She yelled, but he didn't even seem to register her presence, his eyes never leaving the new set of braces he was designing for Rhodey. "Tony!" Now that she was only three feet from his face, Tony heard her loud and clear, his body jolting in surprise.

"Friday, mute," he called, and Pepper let out an audible sigh at the silence. "Sorry about the music- it uh, it helps,"

"Honey...please tell me you haven't been out here all night," Pepper walked around the table to smooth down his hair gently, already well aware of the answer.

"Not  _ all _ night,"

_ "Tony," _

"I'm sorry- I think it's just left over from the, you know," Tony bumped his hands together to simulate explosions before letting out a tired sigh, his shoulders slumping. "What time is it?"

"Seven thirty," Pepper said gently, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm gonna go wake Mo- breakfast is on the table,"

"Be there in a minute, I just gotta- check something,"

Pepper turned and headed towards the door, just barely able to make out Tony's voice as she stepped back out onto the grass. 

"Hey Petey, you on your way to school? Today's that chemistry exam you've been studying for yeah?"

She froze, looking over her shoulder for just a moment, a pitying frown on her face.

_ Of course. _

_ It was starting again. _

*******

_ "Somebody help!" Peter shouted, nearly being overtaken by the rabid alien dogs. _

_ "Queens! Heads up!" Steve yelled back before Tony could even move, and when he looked up Peter was flying across the battlefield, a web attached to Mjolnir. _

_ Turning around to shoot two more perfectly timed missiles at the aliens attacking Bruce, he looked up just in time to see one of the lasers cut through Peter's web, sending him tumbling to the ground. _

_ Right at Thanos' feet. _

_ Peter hugged the gauntlet close to his chest, the metal spider legs curling around him protectively as Thanos loomed over him, a double edged blade held high over his head. _

_ "Peter!" Tony screamed, his voice cracked and raw. _

_ An explosion hit the ground between them, launching Peter into the air and sending Thanos stumbling to the side. The teenager scrambled to his feet, his eyes darting frantically around the battlefield. _

_ "Your highness!" He shouted, hurling the gauntlet back to T'Challa with all his strength- right as Thanos drove his blade into Peter's side. _

_ Tony couldn't scream, all he could hear was Peter's horrific wail- the chaos of the battlefield almost becoming white noise in his ears. Thanos pulled the blade back and Peter collapsed to the ground like his strings had been cut. _

_ "I am sorry, little insect," he said, looming over Peter's body. "You had much potential," _

******

"Ok- what gives," Rhodey said simply, crossing his arms as he came to a stop near the garage door.

"What're you talking about honeybear?" Tony said, trying to deflect the question as he punched the code into the keypad at the side of the building.

"Don't give me that- you know exactly what I'm talking about," Rhodey pressed, and Tony rolled his eyes, knowing this wasn't going away. "This is the fifth upgrade in two weeks that you've made for War Machine, and on top of all that you fixed my backup set of braces too. I know what that means Tony- don't bullshit me,"

"So maybe the war we just fought to save the entire universe is getting to me a little- I'm working on it alright?" Tony said, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Have you called your therapist?"

_ "Well-" _

"C'mon Tony- I thought we closed the book on the whole "lone gunslinger" act of yours years ago," Rhodey said, sitting down on one of the folding chairs at the edge of the garage and undoing his braces. 

"I don't need therapy for this alright? I'm just being stupid- it'll go away," Tony sighed, picking up the pair of braces off the table. "Here, try these on," he bent down to clip the machine to Rhodey's leg. 

"How much sleep are you getting Tones?"

"Enough," Tony said, a little too quickly. "Why?"

"Because you're trying to put the right brace on my left leg," Rhodey deadpanned, and Tony closed his eyes, a sigh leaving his lips. "Hey, hey,  _ I know Tones, _ I know it's hard- seeing Thanos again kicked up your anxiety, and I'd have been born yesterday to think this doesn't have something to do with Peter too. I just want you to get help alright- I don't want you going down that road again,"

"Well, let's get these tested out- Pepper will have my head if we're late for lunch," Tony said, glossing over Rhodey's words, snapping the last piece of metal into place.

*******

_ "Mr. Stark," Peter's voice came through the coms, tiny and frightened. _

_ "Peter? What’s wrong- where are you?" Tony blasted two of the aliens, spinning around before he spotted his kid. _

_ "I'm sorry- I just- I can't," The space around Peter was clear- it was just him, clutching the gauntlet tight to his chest. _

_ "Peter- baby, what are you trying to-" _

_ "Please don't be sad Mr. Stark," he said, and there was a tone of conviction that sent a jolt of fear down Tony's spine. _

_ "No no no, stop- whatever you're going to do-" he pleaded, but Peter looked over to see Thanos staring straight at him- and shoved his hand in the gauntlet. _

********

Tony woke up screaming. He ripped the covers off, taking gasping breaths as his chest constricted, heart stuttering wildly.

"Tony! Honey- what’s wrong?" Pepper screamed, her eyes wide with fear.

He desperately grasped at Pepper's hand lying on top of the duvet, sucking in gasping breaths like he was afraid that any one would be his last.

"Friday- Friday what's happening?" Pepper asked, holding Tony's hand tightly, the other hand lying gently on his shoulder.

"It seems that boss is having a severe panic attack, and is experiencing significant arrhythmia," Friday answered, and Pepper's eyes widened in fear.

"Ok- I'm calling 911," she said, but Tony grabbed her arm before she could reach for the phone.

"No. No hospital," he insisted, his voice was weak and strained.

"Tony- you looked like you were having a heart attack- we are going to the hospital,"

"Nope- Jesus, Pep,  _ I'm fine," _ Tony insisted, reaching up to wipe the stray tears off his face. "It's just a nightmare- I'm handling it,"

"You better- because I swear to god Tony, if you wake up like that one more time, I'm calling the therapist to the house and locking you in here myself if I have to," Pepper said strongly, closing her eyes and taking a steadying breath.

"Mommy! Mommy what's wrong?" Morgan's voice echoed from down the hall and Pepper threw the covers off, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"I'll probably sit with Morgan until she falls asleep," she said softly, stepping out of the room and out into the hallway

******

Tony, in his infinite wisdom, decides 'handling it' means not sleeping at all.

If he doesn't sleep, he can't be treated to another vivid depiction of  _ just how close _ he came to losing Peter a second time.

If one of the blasts had been an inch closer- if Peter hadn't been able to get the gauntlet far enough away- 

So Tony poured over the computer screens, inspecting every inch of the Iron Spider suit for any flaw, any missed opportunity for a safety feature-  _ anything. _

"Hey Mr. Stark!" His head snapped up at the voice, a bright smile coming across his face as Peter peeked his head around the garage door. "Happy picked me up from school today, I thought I was supposed to visit next weekend- _ oh _ \- uh  _ wow _ , are you feeling alright?" Peter babbled, stopping hard in his tracks as he got closer to Tony. The man's face was pale, the dark circles under his skin the darkest Peter had ever seen them, and it seemed like it was taking actual effort to keep his eyes open.

"Never better Roo," he said, moving around the workbench to pull Peter into a hug that lasted slightly longer than usual.

"Uh- are you sure? Cause you kinda look like you got hit by a bus," Peter said, looking up at Tony worriedly.

"I'm much better now that you're here, ok? Now come on, I got some upgrades to the Iron Spider I wanted to show you," Tony said, pressing a kiss to Peter's forehead before turning back towards the holo screens.

******

"Boss- this is not healthy, you've been awake for nearly 92 hours," Friday sighed, as Tony tightened one of the screws on the repulsor in his hand.

"I'm  _ fine," _ he sighed, moving on to the screws on the opposite side of the metal.

"Couldn't you try to get some sleep?" she pressed, and Tony rolled his eyes.

"Mute,"

The garage fell back into silence, and Tony glanced up towards Peter, his chest still rising and falling gently where he laid sprawled out on the couch. He'd tried to stay up for as long as he could, but the teenager had lost the battle with sleep hours ago- his face smushed into one of the soft cushions.

Tony would be loath to admit it, but just having Peter nearby decreased the routine tension he carried in his shoulders, and just being able to look up and see him- instant confirmation that all of his nightmares were simply just that- made his chest feel lighter.

Tony knows he's stayed awake far longer- this isn't even his personal best- barely scratching the top five really- but for some reason he felt his eyes slip closed, his head snapping up as soon as he started to drift.

Thirty minutes pass.

His eyes fell shut again, his body stiffening as his chin hit his chest.

Another twenty minutes pass. 

This time, when his eyes closed his body tipped forward, jolting awake as soon as his elbows hit the table. The movement jostled the repulsor still outfitted on his hand, and the blast went off before he could even fully realize what happened.

Feeling like he was moving through molasses, Tony looked up to see charred fabric floating through the air, and a hole in the couch, directly where Peter's head would've been- had the teenager not been flat on his stomach against the stone floor.

"Ok uh,  _ cool _ \- I never knew my Spidey-Sense worked in my sleep," Peter commented as he stood up, an air of forced calmness around him. "Well- that’s good to know.  _ So- uh _ , did one of the upgrades not go- hey, hey Mr. Stark- it's ok, I'm alright, oh my god- please don't cry,"

To Tony's horror there were tears slipping down his cheeks, and he yanked the gauntlet off his hand, the metal creaking as it was bent out of place.

"Look- look Mr. Stark, see? I'm fine, I'm fine- you didn't hurt me," Peter assured, coming over to stand at the edge of the work table.

"I could've," Tony choked out, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

"But you didn't," Peter put a hand on Tony's shoulder. "How much sleep did you get?" He asked gently.

"Five hours,"

"Well, I mean it could be worse-"

"Five hours, four days ago," Tony finished, and Peter's mouth dropped open.

"Oh,"

A beat of silence passed before Tony was wrapping his arms around Peter, pulling his kid tight to his chest. He's not sure if it was the exhaustion, the fright he'd just lived through or a combination of both, but more tears came cascading down his cheeks as he held Peter tighter.

"God, I haven't slept in days because every time I close my eyes I'm back on the battlefield and-  _ and I lose you _ and just now I almost-"

"Hey, hey it's ok- I'm right here Mr. Stark, I'm fine I promise," Peter assured, his heart breaking at seeing Tony so upset.

"I know- I know that you're alright it's just- when I go to sleep-"

"I get nightmares too ok? I see you snapping instead of Ms. Carol or- or Thanos stabbing you again like on Titan and-" Peter's voice cracked, and he took a deep inhale before continuing. "And we're going to figure all this out, and it's gonna get better, but for now I think we both need to get some sleep, ok?"

He could feel Tony nod his head, and Peter reluctantly let go- the two of them walking out of the garage and back inside the house. They didn’t even have the energy to climb the stairs towards the bedrooms, moving towards the couch instead, nearly collapsing onto the cushions in utter exhaustion.

"There’s my Spider-koala," Tony said, a small smile on his face as Peter plopped his head on his chest, snuggling into Tony’s side. The teenager just hummed in agreement, and Tony leaned down to kiss the top of his kid's head.

"'m gonna stay right here ok? So get some rest," Peter said sleepily, and Tony smiled, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes.

"Alright- goodnight Roo,"

And for the first time in almost a month, they both slept through the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this one was a little on the shorter side, I usually like to build up to the angst a bit but this prompt was pretty straightforward so I figured we could just get right into it haha 
> 
> Tomorrow's story is definitely more lighthearted, so stay tuned for that! :) 
> 
> And as always feel free to say hi on tumblr  
> if you want to!


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